cleaning out the cobwebs in my bwaiiiiiiin.

unbelievable undertones of frustration and rage- why? simply because i am not willing to do what i need to for self-preservation right now. that's all, not willing, not going to, but fully willing to drink vodka every night and pretend i am okay. it's just better that way...right now.

i am sure in a month or maybe even TWO, i will tell them all to fuck off, leave me alone, grow balls and then call me, but for now i am seemingly satisfied with wallowing in my own crapulence.

i go through these lists in my head of all the reasons why it isn't my fault, which of course are completely perfect reasons for me never to grow as a person and to, maybe, stop being an emotional teenager, but... ya know... i am lazy right now. and so i wallow.

i do know that as of today, right now, this very second, moment, instance- i am once again done (done) with contacting or bothering with people who never make any effort towards our 'friendship'. and really i kinda hate having acquaintances anyway, they only seem to emphasize 'the void', don't they?

what void, you may ask... well that's yet to be determined, but i am trying to fill something with drugs and alcohol, and so far so good.

in a month, or two, i'll reboot.