oh yeah, blog...
we come down on others because we have not done for ourselves. we do not smile because we are not smiled upon. but ain't that a load of crap? set the example, you asshole.
is it the individual vs. the world, or is it that we aren't creative enough to enjoy life without conflict?
live a little. talk to strangers. invite others into your conversation- are you so insecure that you think your image would be tarnished by simply speaking to someone you don't know?
we are foolishly human to think that a better world, a more peaceful and happy world, does not begin with how we treat each other in the street. the mind always prevails over the matter. which came first?
i recently did the dumb thing and stepped into a discussion about women and their role in the human race. i was told that my approach was from a secular point of view so i wouldn't understand his view. fucking condescending prick. no, i absolutely do not understand because you do not make sense.
i said that Genesis was a steaming pile of misogyny wrapped in a pretty philosophical bow. how convenient to get out of the argument at hand to say that one must simply have faith... that this word is divine. this appleton reserve is divine- your God cocktail is not. blech.
better lesser words words fucking semantics, always, isn't it? if you ask me a grunt and a click seems inviting in these days of Words™. all we do is talk- i'm gonna do this, i'll be great, i could do that, i'm BETTER... except you don't do anything, and none of us are better. better than what?
all i know is i find common ground with most anyone and try hard not to look down my nose at others because i am just like you- tired and drunk on a friday looking for the next thing to do.
cheers!
is it the individual vs. the world, or is it that we aren't creative enough to enjoy life without conflict?
live a little. talk to strangers. invite others into your conversation- are you so insecure that you think your image would be tarnished by simply speaking to someone you don't know?
we are foolishly human to think that a better world, a more peaceful and happy world, does not begin with how we treat each other in the street. the mind always prevails over the matter. which came first?
i recently did the dumb thing and stepped into a discussion about women and their role in the human race. i was told that my approach was from a secular point of view so i wouldn't understand his view. fucking condescending prick. no, i absolutely do not understand because you do not make sense.
i said that Genesis was a steaming pile of misogyny wrapped in a pretty philosophical bow. how convenient to get out of the argument at hand to say that one must simply have faith... that this word is divine. this appleton reserve is divine- your God cocktail is not. blech.
better lesser words words fucking semantics, always, isn't it? if you ask me a grunt and a click seems inviting in these days of Words™. all we do is talk- i'm gonna do this, i'll be great, i could do that, i'm BETTER... except you don't do anything, and none of us are better. better than what?
all i know is i find common ground with most anyone and try hard not to look down my nose at others because i am just like you- tired and drunk on a friday looking for the next thing to do.
cheers!
don't blog much anymore these days, i'm not sure why. i guess i am lazy. that and i... just lazy. i have so much to say, so many thoughts it feels like they drip out of my ear all over the TTC.
for one: YES I'D LIKE TO SIT THERE. EXCUSE ME, EXCUUUUSE ME, YES YOU, WAKE UP, YOUR BAG IS ON THE SEAT THAT HALF OF WHICH YOUR ASS ALREADY OCCUPIES. stuff like that. but that's mean, and i don;t roll on meanness. mostly i keep those thoughts to myself because it's just The Rage that i need to keep at bay- or i'd probably actually kill someone.
in other news, i am a loner. newsflash! i stayed in tonight in lieu of going to see some flamenco because i'd rather sit in the tub with a choco martini and Kingdom of Fear than go out and deal with people. sometimes i hibernate. sometimes is now.
sometimes you realize how much you've changed, and how much you've stayed the same, about 50/50. i have less friends right now, but simply because i decided i was sick of the cool people who know all there is to know about pop culture yet are stuck in the same bullshit life day in, day out. i want to change and the only way to change is to fucking change, gringo. i did so due to circumstances beyond my control (stroke boyfriend love loyalty) and due to the desire to change... constantly. i don't understand stagnation.
i may have not sold anything at the art show i did this summer, but i DID IT. and i enjoyed it. and it cost me a lot of money, but i don't care. everyone tries to convince me that i should care, but i don't. money is so worthless when you consider all the things money can't buy (of course, money can buy martini makins).
i attended a writing workshop this week to get me out of my hole of not writing, and as it turns out, i appear confident to others. score. it's working, i told them as i smiled shyly in their direction fully aware of the fact that i had far more confidence than them. but these are just observations, not condemnations and you should never mistake one for the other.
the things is, so many people mistake my shyness for low self esteem which is untrue. i can be deathly shy, but i will always walk across a room like i own it... and i will always tell you to leave me alone if you are bothering me.
like when some random man at the streetcar stop talks to me at 3am. now i'm not one to turn down talking to someone, people are interesting... even if they turn out to be manipulative assholes. and he was. oh hi, yes, your name? my name? it is late. i anticipate the streetcar any minute now. silence. more silence. so can i have your number? my brain made that sound, you know when bugs bunny gets caught in the mechanical thingamabobber and everything goes berzerk? that sound.
my number? naw dude, sorry. but why? because i don't want to give it to you. we can be streetcar stop friends. okay. silence. then... can i have your number? come on. where i come from people are not afraid of eachother. yes, well this is not where you come from and the fact that you shoved the non sequitur "you are very beautiful" between two sentences makes me think you're drunk. and that you think i'm stupid. and then there's the sitting next to me on the streetcar... when i sat in a single seat. i mean, take a hint, man. have some dignity, some pride... your desperation reeks of desperation- you are redundant. and then he went away and tried to make me feel sorry for him. and then he turned around and looked sad and said bye when i got off the streetcar... to which i replied, with a cold hard... see ya...
here's the thing: contrary to what i said before, i do have friends. some friends. not you. i don't need many and i'm not a people-vacuum.
ugh. when i got home i was so angry, i ranted to my boyfriend about how men think they are entitled to everything about you simply because you happen to occupy the same area for longer than two seconds. and how h e felt it was his right to take my time from me, my time to think... my own thoughts invaded by some stranger i could care less about. you are so not entitled, my friend.
well, as it turned out, my boyfriend who had ridden his bike to the thing we went to, well he beat me home. he also had time to stop for pot and everything.
roll a joint? why yes officer, i think i will...
for one: YES I'D LIKE TO SIT THERE. EXCUSE ME, EXCUUUUSE ME, YES YOU, WAKE UP, YOUR BAG IS ON THE SEAT THAT HALF OF WHICH YOUR ASS ALREADY OCCUPIES. stuff like that. but that's mean, and i don;t roll on meanness. mostly i keep those thoughts to myself because it's just The Rage that i need to keep at bay- or i'd probably actually kill someone.
in other news, i am a loner. newsflash! i stayed in tonight in lieu of going to see some flamenco because i'd rather sit in the tub with a choco martini and Kingdom of Fear than go out and deal with people. sometimes i hibernate. sometimes is now.
sometimes you realize how much you've changed, and how much you've stayed the same, about 50/50. i have less friends right now, but simply because i decided i was sick of the cool people who know all there is to know about pop culture yet are stuck in the same bullshit life day in, day out. i want to change and the only way to change is to fucking change, gringo. i did so due to circumstances beyond my control (stroke boyfriend love loyalty) and due to the desire to change... constantly. i don't understand stagnation.
i may have not sold anything at the art show i did this summer, but i DID IT. and i enjoyed it. and it cost me a lot of money, but i don't care. everyone tries to convince me that i should care, but i don't. money is so worthless when you consider all the things money can't buy (of course, money can buy martini makins).
i attended a writing workshop this week to get me out of my hole of not writing, and as it turns out, i appear confident to others. score. it's working, i told them as i smiled shyly in their direction fully aware of the fact that i had far more confidence than them. but these are just observations, not condemnations and you should never mistake one for the other.
the things is, so many people mistake my shyness for low self esteem which is untrue. i can be deathly shy, but i will always walk across a room like i own it... and i will always tell you to leave me alone if you are bothering me.
like when some random man at the streetcar stop talks to me at 3am. now i'm not one to turn down talking to someone, people are interesting... even if they turn out to be manipulative assholes. and he was. oh hi, yes, your name? my name? it is late. i anticipate the streetcar any minute now. silence. more silence. so can i have your number? my brain made that sound, you know when bugs bunny gets caught in the mechanical thingamabobber and everything goes berzerk? that sound.
my number? naw dude, sorry. but why? because i don't want to give it to you. we can be streetcar stop friends. okay. silence. then... can i have your number? come on. where i come from people are not afraid of eachother. yes, well this is not where you come from and the fact that you shoved the non sequitur "you are very beautiful" between two sentences makes me think you're drunk. and that you think i'm stupid. and then there's the sitting next to me on the streetcar... when i sat in a single seat. i mean, take a hint, man. have some dignity, some pride... your desperation reeks of desperation- you are redundant. and then he went away and tried to make me feel sorry for him. and then he turned around and looked sad and said bye when i got off the streetcar... to which i replied, with a cold hard... see ya...
here's the thing: contrary to what i said before, i do have friends. some friends. not you. i don't need many and i'm not a people-vacuum.
ugh. when i got home i was so angry, i ranted to my boyfriend about how men think they are entitled to everything about you simply because you happen to occupy the same area for longer than two seconds. and how h e felt it was his right to take my time from me, my time to think... my own thoughts invaded by some stranger i could care less about. you are so not entitled, my friend.
well, as it turned out, my boyfriend who had ridden his bike to the thing we went to, well he beat me home. he also had time to stop for pot and everything.
roll a joint? why yes officer, i think i will...
i just ate a pot cookie.
My final response:
You know, all unfertilized eggs begin as female... then hormonal changes occur during fertilization that determines sex. Which is one theory behind why men have nipples that have no use whatsoever. In all of those cellular multiplications and divisions, is it not possible that there could be varying degrees of persons that come out? Nothing is an exact science, and you can't argue that point- even the Pope accepts the science behind prenatal development (and I have 20 books in front of me that show this if you'd like references), so in essence, humanity is inherently imperfect- the straights, the gays, the politicians... we're all a big ball of cells that somehow became what we are- conscious beings with free thought. The missing link? God, or whatever you call it: the great spirit, Allah, Quetzlcoatl, whathaveyou.
My point being we're all 'valid' humans no matter our preferences... we all have skulls living inside of our face, and hearts in our chest. If we are to ever have peace in this life, these attacks on one another have got to stop. Language is more powerful than any atomic bomb, so always choose words carefully and be sure to think them through before spreading hatred and anger. We have enough of that to go around.
I don't recall many of the bruises and scrapes from playing as a child, but I remember the face, voice and clothing of the guy who called me Paki in the schoolyard. Why? He didn't know what I was- I liked different things than him, I ate 'weird' food, and I was brown because my family came from Trinidad. So instead of say, hey, this person may enrich my life if I get to know them, he berated that which he feared in order to feel in control. Do you know what it's like to be belittled for who you are? Not what you choose, not what you do, but for simply being your own person? It sucks.
And I share this because of the implication that being gay is somehow degrading to the human race. "Degrading Jesus by portraying him as gay." Persecution is what degrades us all, as does prejudice and illusions of superiority.
Take care,
A.
ya know, saying the words, "i love you," still makes me teary.
1 Comments:
-
Heather said...
-
hello HOTTIE!!!
xo
Published in time for my birthday. Found as a surprise shoved inside a Peter Max retrospective book. My boyfriend is awesome!
what should i say?
people change.
you always think that
like in the movies
the hard decision
would be easy to make
until it's your time to shine
under a rotten sun
and to stop ignoring the stench
of a vulture's feast
at your feet
to stop wondering
how long has that been there?
----
soaring down the bathroom sink
on a hypocrites wings
and acid drain
you destroy yourself again
she used my pain to boost herself. what a revelation... and there it is... 8 years and are we still counting?
Labels: "old friendships"
i traveled
it's true... here are a couple for now. editing begins tonight (finally got pics from my brother's computer).
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