every time i go for a sushi feast, i can actually feel the rice settling under my skin, right around my waist. it's amazing how eating a bucket of rice dipped in a bucket of salt will do that (astonished).
come on vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!
argh.
so i am at work, for the last day in 14 days that i will be... and i've probably already gone through at least 20-30 'fucks' already. leslie lent me her car today for work, which was a nice change of pace from the subway. dare i say, even with just one day's relief, i am going to miss driving to work?
ah well, don't gotta think about this place until september 12th, and i can't fucking wait (31...).
i hope i get off early so i can run around in circles, flailing my arms and squealing like a little gyirrrl (that's 'girl' in scottish).
off to build the railroad...
ah well, don't gotta think about this place until september 12th, and i can't fucking wait (31...).
i hope i get off early so i can run around in circles, flailing my arms and squealing like a little gyirrrl (that's 'girl' in scottish).
off to build the railroad...
mcnews.
citytv news... laughing/crying (on the inside):
And they thought the fire had dwindled from the relationship.
-------------
Seriously? I dunno how that's a joke in any way, I mean it seems funny until you consider having your crotch on fire, then not so much. If it was a man doing that to a woman a joke would be out of the question- don't think i'll ever get "it".
Woman Torches Ex-Husband's Genitalia While He Watches Television
Thursday August 23, 2007
There's nothing worse than two people being forced to live together after they've separated just to save a few pennies on rent.
This was especially true for a divorced couple in Russia, who after three years of co-habitating on account of high property taxes, finally reached their boiling point. In a shocking outburst, the woman set fire to her ex-husband's genitals as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka.
Moscow officials reported it was three years of pent up hostility over having to share the same roof that lead to the freak attack. Whether or not he'll make a full recovery is "difficult to predict", according to a police spokesperson.
"It was monstrously painful," the wounded man told a Russian newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."And they thought the fire had dwindled from the relationship.
-------------
Seriously? I dunno how that's a joke in any way, I mean it seems funny until you consider having your crotch on fire, then not so much. If it was a man doing that to a woman a joke would be out of the question- don't think i'll ever get "it".
Labels: McNews
Last night I started reading Is That It? and found myself oddly revived. Spending two and a half hours on the couch, fully encompassed in the life of somebody else whose life is and has been so different from my own, proved to be just the wake up call I was looking for. Man's search for meaning, indeed.Lately I'd been feeling devoid of purpose, devoid of emotions, devoid of caring. I suppose you'd call that apathy, so let's call it that. The only two feelings on my spectrum seemed to be anger or sadness, and the list of subfeelings that construct and/or accompany those.
So back to the book: so far so good. Bob Geldof's life is already inspiring and he's only at the age of 16 right now. Though I do know something about him, I am finding this to be a great read. The inexplicable part of this is that I've owned this book for over four years and never read it. I heard about it, bought it on ebay (it's OOP) and then got distracted by whatever.
Distractions, huh. It doesn't surprise me that now is the time I picked it up, now when I feel like I need something more than just me to keep me away from rock bottom. It doesn't surprise me because it's one more scribbling on the list of events that led up to this moment, whether they be recent or distant.
Love, friendships, spirituality, hatred, anger, disgust, peace, tranquility... all part of life, all emotions, all fleeting, all earned, allowed, and deserved. Some things are forgotten. I suppose the events of last night, following my reading session, really have me questioning my beliefs, once again. Picking up the search for purpose or the search to cultivate my purpose when, for so long, I felt that the idea of meaning was preposterous: nothing but another chunk in a stream of vomit from those who want to control what I think. Purpose in my life, thus far, has been a scattering of small joys, but recently the joys have been increasing exponentially, maybe a bit too fast for my brain to comprehend. This message will self-destruct. But today, for all of the joy and for the sadness that every situation brings, I am thankful- to whatever or whoever I should be.
I am not sure of what I believe, but I do know what I feel and that can never be any less true than it is. The beauty of emotions, I guess, is that they just are...
new type of night.
last night as i laid on the couch for a good 2.5 hours of reading, i thoroughly enjoyed diving into somebody else's life for a moment in time. i then got up to go to my room before washing dishes. check my cell phone and there's a message...
dave's been MIA since noon, have i heard from him?
no. i hadn't since the previous day. now the idea of being in someone else's shoes became too much... i got so worried i felt nauseous. i called bob and said i hadn't heard from dave at all, but to let me know if he does.
trust me, there is good reason to worry when someone like him falls of the face of the earth. we've become so close-but-distant (can't really explain this) that i have the puffiest eyes in the world today from thinking, maybe, the edge swallowed him for good.
this morning i got word: he did resurface. can't say my whole perspective on life hasn't shifted, yet again, and am, once again, questioning what i believe.
the dishes are still dirty.
dave's been MIA since noon, have i heard from him?
no. i hadn't since the previous day. now the idea of being in someone else's shoes became too much... i got so worried i felt nauseous. i called bob and said i hadn't heard from dave at all, but to let me know if he does.
trust me, there is good reason to worry when someone like him falls of the face of the earth. we've become so close-but-distant (can't really explain this) that i have the puffiest eyes in the world today from thinking, maybe, the edge swallowed him for good.
this morning i got word: he did resurface. can't say my whole perspective on life hasn't shifted, yet again, and am, once again, questioning what i believe.
the dishes are still dirty.
Labels: puffy eyes at work
well that's fucked up...
http://toronto.craigslist.org/zip/401904105.html
didn't post it, but came back to my email and found 8-10 new emails for free stuff. WTF?
i already emailed craigslist staff.
p.s. it's gone now, weird. creepy.
http://toronto.craigslist.org/zip/401904105.html
didn't post it, but came back to my email and found 8-10 new emails for free stuff. WTF?
i already emailed craigslist staff.
p.s. it's gone now, weird. creepy.
blogger lets you leave the subject line blank.
Those emoticons, the little round yellow ones... The Original Emoticon(tm). You know the ones!
Yes, so, don't you find them oddly expressing more than they ought to? I guess being combined with an adjective exponentially increases meaning in these tiny blobs of expressive creation. I'm just sayin'. I recently changed my publicly displayed emotional status (body language converted for electronics) to "satisfied", and if you'll notice the smiley attached is a winking one. Now what does that imply? Implications are, like, everywhere, guy.
Without further adieu, I present to you the new slogan (what slogan?) for these icons with which we emote:
Another Astounding Interpetation: Brought to You By the Human Brain.
Spellbinding information, folks.
Labels: myspace related subject lines
two important things to do before leaving the house:
1. pack your ibuprofen.
2. spill beer down the front of your tank top on account of the hole in your lip.
1. pack your ibuprofen.
2. spill beer down the front of your tank top on account of the hole in your lip.
riding the subway to and from scarborough every day.
it's amazing, except in that sucks-amazing kind of way. up at 6:15, make coffee, eat breakfast, check email, shower, lather, rinse, repeat. shampoo life, losing my mind...
the neat thing about traveling back into the city, and i mean minimally neat since there's a lot of humidity and other people's armpit stink betwixt me and home, is that most of the loud/obnoxious children get off at victoria park station. okay, that was just yesterday when a six year old squeezed past me to look out the window at the black subway walls, to talk to her mom across me, and then squeeze back out- all while staring at me because i am a complete anomaly. like, whoa.
i hate everything about my life today. i hate my job, i hate the people that i love, i hate the weather, i hate not being on vacation... and i hate myself for feeling like kurt cobain.
i'm not even gonna get into the liking of guys part of things because, quite possibly, my head will explode into tiny bits, then you can wipe up the brains with Spishak all-purpose cleaner.
oh, you wanted to be inspired by a blog post today? the virgin mary eating cherries while sitting on santa's lap- go make a painting of that. inspiration provided, thank you and good night.
the neat thing about traveling back into the city, and i mean minimally neat since there's a lot of humidity and other people's armpit stink betwixt me and home, is that most of the loud/obnoxious children get off at victoria park station. okay, that was just yesterday when a six year old squeezed past me to look out the window at the black subway walls, to talk to her mom across me, and then squeeze back out- all while staring at me because i am a complete anomaly. like, whoa.
i hate everything about my life today. i hate my job, i hate the people that i love, i hate the weather, i hate not being on vacation... and i hate myself for feeling like kurt cobain.
i'm not even gonna get into the liking of guys part of things because, quite possibly, my head will explode into tiny bits, then you can wipe up the brains with Spishak all-purpose cleaner.
oh, you wanted to be inspired by a blog post today? the virgin mary eating cherries while sitting on santa's lap- go make a painting of that. inspiration provided, thank you and good night.
aimoo calls bullshit #238738799
taking pictures of your camera collection and posting it on flickr: BULLSHIT!!!!
Labels: gear wanking
aimoo calls bullshit #238738798
graphic design contests: i call bullshit! that way they, the cheap bastards running supernova, get approx. $200-$500 worth of work for free- and you get...? a credit that nobody will read or notice. awesome.
this just in: "they" are liars.
leaving behind the events within my skull, money really does bring happiness! i just acquired $225 for the sale of my don't-use-it road bike. and now i don't give a shit about any of that other retarded emotional crap. moneyyyyy! this brings me within close range of my trip savings goal, and thus i am even more anxious to get the fuck outta dodge.
here are the good things that have happened to me in the past few weeks:
-made a best friend for life, even if we'll never hang out or hold hands. don't want to explain.
-gotten closer with my good friend in MN, with whom i can't wait to explore nashville and atlanta. it'll be amazing to finally get to know each other in person, be awkward in front of one another. also don't want to explain.
-saw my parents and harassed my dog until he remembered why he didn't used to come to me, hahahah. and they called it fuzzy loooove.
-belt went in a notch, kicked a cab who almost ran me over, gave a finger to a car horn beeper in scarborough, ate $6 singapore nood'r for lunch
etc.
i was so upset because that person i made BFF with was like instant magnetism. but then he's dying of hep C and has depression problems- and a past he doesn't even want to tell me about. i decided to walk away on thursday because, as much as i am a fixer, it's unhealthy and i'm starting to change my ways right now before... well before i jump. knowwhati'msayin'? never too late to be who you want to be or to change self-destructive patterns. i love him to bits, but i just can't do it... and that is one for team Aimoo. a hard point to earn, but it had to be done. i'll miss him.
and then there's MN boy, with whom i have a past, and with whom i see a future. i love him to bits, too.
so there you have it. now that i'm almost over it, i can easily talk without typing through greasy tears on my keyboard (kidding).
sidenote: why is everyone so in love with tony pierce?
oj, p.s., i forgot to mention that the 17 year old who bought my bike was incredibly cute. long blonde and curly hair, tall... you know, jail bait.
P.P.S. NEVERMIND, ha!
here are the good things that have happened to me in the past few weeks:
-made a best friend for life, even if we'll never hang out or hold hands. don't want to explain.
-gotten closer with my good friend in MN, with whom i can't wait to explore nashville and atlanta. it'll be amazing to finally get to know each other in person, be awkward in front of one another. also don't want to explain.
-saw my parents and harassed my dog until he remembered why he didn't used to come to me, hahahah. and they called it fuzzy loooove.
-belt went in a notch, kicked a cab who almost ran me over, gave a finger to a car horn beeper in scarborough, ate $6 singapore nood'r for lunch
etc.
i was so upset because that person i made BFF with was like instant magnetism. but then he's dying of hep C and has depression problems- and a past he doesn't even want to tell me about. i decided to walk away on thursday because, as much as i am a fixer, it's unhealthy and i'm starting to change my ways right now before... well before i jump. knowwhati'msayin'? never too late to be who you want to be or to change self-destructive patterns. i love him to bits, but i just can't do it... and that is one for team Aimoo. a hard point to earn, but it had to be done. i'll miss him.
and then there's MN boy, with whom i have a past, and with whom i see a future. i love him to bits, too.
so there you have it. now that i'm almost over it, i can easily talk without typing through greasy tears on my keyboard (kidding).
sidenote: why is everyone so in love with tony pierce?
oj, p.s., i forgot to mention that the 17 year old who bought my bike was incredibly cute. long blonde and curly hair, tall... you know, jail bait.
P.P.S. NEVERMIND, ha!
i am just lazy. and bored. went to hamilton this weekend to get out for a few, that was nice. a distraction, like a minivacation.
back at work and work is bleh. need vacation.
more later, but i wanted to assure you, my attentive masses, that i am indeed still posting...
back at work and work is bleh. need vacation.
more later, but i wanted to assure you, my attentive masses, that i am indeed still posting...
overly dramatic cleansing of self.
you wanna know something? i am so miserable right now that i actually don't want to leave work. i am sitting here twiddling my mouse because i just don't feel like going. there are no problems at home, nothing. i just don't want to do anything. i want to get home and sleep, sleep and come back.
barf.
EDIT: so i just took a step in the right direction and that feels good. hurts like a motherfucker, but feels good. it was either that or jump off the viaduct... so, ya know...
barf.
EDIT: so i just took a step in the right direction and that feels good. hurts like a motherfucker, but feels good. it was either that or jump off the viaduct... so, ya know...
diaphanous.
non. tuesday and wednesday were non-days because i got minimal sleep and sort of drifted through them, as if to say i was a ghost. so last night, after taking pictures of things to sell, i went to bed at 10PM- early, i know. wake up at 1am to find i am dripping with sweat. why? no reason... just am. maybe it's the withdrawal... heh. glad to report no babies crawling across the ceiling.
this morning i hit snooze more than i ever have since moving downtown and requiring 1.5 hours to get to work. disgusting. ate a crackery-toasted pita with some cream cheese, a quick cup of coffiffee and was on my not-so-merry way. i have puffy-eye. you know when you've been crying all night and you feel all squinty and groggy? like that, except i was crying from my sweat glands.
tomorrow is a family dinner, saturday i get to see dave, and by sunday, i am sure, i'll be depressed about everything because that's pretty much how the cycle goes, right now.
total fucking burnout. but on the bright side... the sun is shining...
party fun!
awesome weekend. i feel revived... well, except for the family bbq on top of monster hangoverm but otherwise, yeah, revived. change of scenery does wonders for clarity of thoughts, and taking out the trash.
burgers, beer, and basement karaoke helps, too.
oh yes, you heard me.
zzz.
burgers, beer, and basement karaoke helps, too.
oh yes, you heard me.
zzz.
TRANSFORMERS
cleaning out the cobwebs in my bwaiiiiiiin.
unbelievable undertones of frustration and rage- why? simply because i am not willing to do what i need to for self-preservation right now. that's all, not willing, not going to, but fully willing to drink vodka every night and pretend i am okay. it's just better that way...right now.
i am sure in a month or maybe even TWO, i will tell them all to fuck off, leave me alone, grow balls and then call me, but for now i am seemingly satisfied with wallowing in my own crapulence.
i go through these lists in my head of all the reasons why it isn't my fault, which of course are completely perfect reasons for me never to grow as a person and to, maybe, stop being an emotional teenager, but... ya know... i am lazy right now. and so i wallow.
i do know that as of today, right now, this very second, moment, instance- i am once again done (done) with contacting or bothering with people who never make any effort towards our 'friendship'. and really i kinda hate having acquaintances anyway, they only seem to emphasize 'the void', don't they?
what void, you may ask... well that's yet to be determined, but i am trying to fill something with drugs and alcohol, and so far so good.
in a month, or two, i'll reboot.
i am sure in a month or maybe even TWO, i will tell them all to fuck off, leave me alone, grow balls and then call me, but for now i am seemingly satisfied with wallowing in my own crapulence.
i go through these lists in my head of all the reasons why it isn't my fault, which of course are completely perfect reasons for me never to grow as a person and to, maybe, stop being an emotional teenager, but... ya know... i am lazy right now. and so i wallow.
i do know that as of today, right now, this very second, moment, instance- i am once again done (done) with contacting or bothering with people who never make any effort towards our 'friendship'. and really i kinda hate having acquaintances anyway, they only seem to emphasize 'the void', don't they?
what void, you may ask... well that's yet to be determined, but i am trying to fill something with drugs and alcohol, and so far so good.
in a month, or two, i'll reboot.
so, how 'bout them swollen, throbbing veins in your forehead, eh?
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