yep.

you know some days i just don't have enough energy to not give a shit about all the selfish fucking assholes in this city... and so i let go of the door and you can open it your goddamn self.

the problem

the one and only problem... not being able to see that your comments and opinions matter. they make a difference. your expression serves to let others know that yes, it is possible to think differently than what is considered the norm. and yes, it is possible to overthrow the popularly accepted way of thinking.

i hate to hear people say they will not share their opinions because others want to argue. let them argue! air them anyway! if nothing else, humans need to know what the other is thinking.

we can change the way the world thinks, oh yes we can. let's start with this capitalism bullshit...

currently, i'm thinking about a connection between the avid pursuit of lawfully viewing prenatal life as "invalid", and the outcries regarding patenting the genes of living creatures. can you see it? it's there. a hypocrisy.

surprise!

i can hear it now.

the upstairs neighbours' smoke alarm is going off, much like ours does for the tiniest bit of steam from the oven. i fucking hate that thing, the CNN of smoke detectors.

it's a good wednesday, aside from the line of bites on my neck, i'm sitting here updating my 'home files' to begin work while sipping some coffee. i picked up a half pound at the place at bloor/bathurst last night on my way to French class and the aroma kept wafting past my face ever few minutes. i really wanted to brew a pot when i got home, but i opted for a bottle of wine and a brew instead. good plan! it made con-air ten times as amazing as it already is... john malkapee really enunciates, and nicholas cage has some bizarre pro-authority drive to help the same system that fucked him over and made him miss his daughters entire infancy and childhood. i love movies that teach you how to act, i mean, who wouldn't worship an inefficient, unjust system? well, john malkapee and danny trejo. but they both end up horribly, horribly dead, so what does that tell you?

sorry if i spoiled it for you. the bad guys die.

feeling a bit paranoid right now, i got bitten by a bed bug or something recently, but we don't have a problem at home, so i am wondering if it hid in my sweater from the gym, or crawled on from the subway. paranoia! who needs pot?

i s'pose i should finish designing these bumper stickers.

peace.

little johnny malka-pee.

i think

january depression occurs often because we are so in the air during the holidays that we forget about life as-is. a financial matter as stressful as what just hit an hour ago might seem like run of the mill sheiza if it hit on december 21. but like all things in life we will manage and find a way - there is always a way.

it's too bad money is a such a big focus in my life because it really is the one thing i would love to not have to worry about.

yesterday i was cursing the world a bit, feeling down about cash and all the things i am unable to do yet because i don't have enough... then i walked by a bus shelter with someone sleeping, under a blanket, on the ground inside. perspective.

but it still stings to feel that, well, sting even when you are careful and to know that you now have new expenses that are even greater and that pair of pants you desperately needed and treated yourself to was in fact a detriment to your finances and that in fact you probably need glasses and will have to save the $400-500 to get those because you have no health insurance.

the only comforting fact i can think of is my room full of stuff that i could potentially sell if i needed to, i mean if worst came to worst. i am trying not to take for granted my life and the things i do have because then i would be like all those annoying, spoiled people who i try not to loathe (God bless'em?).

i am just worried right now. glad last night was a night of nothing and toight i will seek out laughter to balance out this feeling of storms a-brewin' and waves to weather and winds to resist and all those weather-related metaphors... all you have to do is to be strong. it is easy, isn't it? man up, woman up, chest out, focus on the solutions and keep the problem in your peripheral vision.

today, this second i am choosing to believe that it will not always be this way with money and, yes, i think i can see it... that light at the end of the tunnel...

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