i think

january depression occurs often because we are so in the air during the holidays that we forget about life as-is. a financial matter as stressful as what just hit an hour ago might seem like run of the mill sheiza if it hit on december 21. but like all things in life we will manage and find a way - there is always a way.

it's too bad money is a such a big focus in my life because it really is the one thing i would love to not have to worry about.

yesterday i was cursing the world a bit, feeling down about cash and all the things i am unable to do yet because i don't have enough... then i walked by a bus shelter with someone sleeping, under a blanket, on the ground inside. perspective.

but it still stings to feel that, well, sting even when you are careful and to know that you now have new expenses that are even greater and that pair of pants you desperately needed and treated yourself to was in fact a detriment to your finances and that in fact you probably need glasses and will have to save the $400-500 to get those because you have no health insurance.

the only comforting fact i can think of is my room full of stuff that i could potentially sell if i needed to, i mean if worst came to worst. i am trying not to take for granted my life and the things i do have because then i would be like all those annoying, spoiled people who i try not to loathe (God bless'em?).

i am just worried right now. glad last night was a night of nothing and toight i will seek out laughter to balance out this feeling of storms a-brewin' and waves to weather and winds to resist and all those weather-related metaphors... all you have to do is to be strong. it is easy, isn't it? man up, woman up, chest out, focus on the solutions and keep the problem in your peripheral vision.

today, this second i am choosing to believe that it will not always be this way with money and, yes, i think i can see it... that light at the end of the tunnel...