sigh.
on my mind a lot as of late has been the issue of money... what to do, what to do? other people claim brokeitude but do they really know? not that i can be upset with others for managing their money better in than i have in the past, but still- be careful crying wolf. 15-20% of my monthly income alone goes to interest payments and loans. then there's rent (which will have to be reduced next year, i.e. moving), utilities, internet, phone, cell phone, TTC fare to get to the underpaid job.
sigh indeed. i'm so fucking broke.
i am currently just able to make rent and utilities plus student loans and credit card payments- then in the next few months or so, i get to start paying back principal on my other student loans... hooray! there goes any luxury income. what does that mean? up shit creek without a paddle unless i fine a second job for the evenings or weekends. or sell my kidneys.
been fighting the bug to feel down and hopeless as of late. it's hard to get your dreams going, to develop a business when you have practically zero expendable income. and needless to say, i don't want to borrow any more. sometimes i just feel like giving up and working a second job at canadian tire... fuck it, ya know? everyone and everything tries so hard to beat you down. oh you completed that sale flier for Canadian and USA customers in two days, and it was in the mail in a week's time? doesn't matter, doesn't matter that you worry about money every day, that you're not adequately paid for your services, the fact is- you missed a spot. oh, and another one. errors errors errors- do better next time. fuck.
and then there's travel and leisure- i work fucking 40 hours per week, am i supposed to stay home in my spare time and stare at the walls because i have no money? i barely go out as it is... it's not fucking fair... i work so hard for such basic pay and all because some asshole designed a system where a virtually useless piece of paper means the difference between $30k and $45-50k per year.
your job is replaceable, you're not bringing in money directly, saying it without saying it that a monkey can do it so accept what you get because you're lucky.
money money money, fuck money, i'm moving to the moon!
been selling some shit in my cupboards this week to help even things out. hopefully soon i can crawl out of the fucking trench and see some light, but who knows... something always manages to pop up to pull me back down (website renewals, prescriptions, passport renewals, etc.).
life's getting me down. i can never seem to get ahead. can't wait to get away for a couple days.
sigh indeed. i'm so fucking broke.
i am currently just able to make rent and utilities plus student loans and credit card payments- then in the next few months or so, i get to start paying back principal on my other student loans... hooray! there goes any luxury income. what does that mean? up shit creek without a paddle unless i fine a second job for the evenings or weekends. or sell my kidneys.
been fighting the bug to feel down and hopeless as of late. it's hard to get your dreams going, to develop a business when you have practically zero expendable income. and needless to say, i don't want to borrow any more. sometimes i just feel like giving up and working a second job at canadian tire... fuck it, ya know? everyone and everything tries so hard to beat you down. oh you completed that sale flier for Canadian and USA customers in two days, and it was in the mail in a week's time? doesn't matter, doesn't matter that you worry about money every day, that you're not adequately paid for your services, the fact is- you missed a spot. oh, and another one. errors errors errors- do better next time. fuck.
and then there's travel and leisure- i work fucking 40 hours per week, am i supposed to stay home in my spare time and stare at the walls because i have no money? i barely go out as it is... it's not fucking fair... i work so hard for such basic pay and all because some asshole designed a system where a virtually useless piece of paper means the difference between $30k and $45-50k per year.
your job is replaceable, you're not bringing in money directly, saying it without saying it that a monkey can do it so accept what you get because you're lucky.
money money money, fuck money, i'm moving to the moon!
been selling some shit in my cupboards this week to help even things out. hopefully soon i can crawl out of the fucking trench and see some light, but who knows... something always manages to pop up to pull me back down (website renewals, prescriptions, passport renewals, etc.).
life's getting me down. i can never seem to get ahead. can't wait to get away for a couple days.
Labels: escapism
bee see see.
what i would love to know is why people in my family BCC everyone on personal notes they send to each other. okay, not everyone, just the n00bs. heh.
sigh.
sigh.
ugh
oh those PMS days... it's not a myth, it can be very true for some of us. this morning was fine, optimistic, i even aimed to keep it that way fully knowing what was coming- but, just like every month along with false hopes of maintaining any one given mood, i sunk once i got to work. everything is wrong and nothing's wrong and i want to simultaneously yell at and cry in the ear of customers. i just want to stuff my face and hide under my covers until the shitstorm passes.
it still amazes me how real it all feels. it's very hard to maintain that nothing is actually wrong. it feels like the world is falling apart, and i know it's hormones, but i am still 75% convinced it is all real and i need to vent to someone. which i don't.
i need to stuff my face and hide under my covers.
it still amazes me how real it all feels. it's very hard to maintain that nothing is actually wrong. it feels like the world is falling apart, and i know it's hormones, but i am still 75% convinced it is all real and i need to vent to someone. which i don't.
i need to stuff my face and hide under my covers.
oooooooooo!
Nostradamus
Century 9 Quatrain 44
Leave leave Geneva, every last one of you
Saturn will be converted from gold to iron
The contrary positive ray. RAYPOZ will exterminate all
Before the coming the sky will show the sings
Labels: goodnight moon
shit damn motherfucking cunt happy monday!
so i check the work messages this morning... one of our bookmarks has a quote with the word "defenseless" on it, except the quote reads "defenceless" which is an acceptable spelling of the word (it's from older english). anyway, this motherfucking asshole of a woman who obviously thrives on making people as miserable as she is decided to call and leave this message:
"i have something really embarrassing to report for you guys. i got this bookmark and the word "defenseless" is spelled wrong... um, i dunno how you could print something with a misspelling like that and you might want to check any of your other freebie handouts to save yourself further embarrassment..."
of course, as most cowards who leave messages to get the hair on your neck standing up, she did not leave a name or phone number. surprise!
so i check the work messages this morning... one of our bookmarks has a quote with the word "defenseless" on it, except the quote reads "defenceless" which is an acceptable spelling of the word (it's from older english). anyway, this motherfucking asshole of a woman who obviously thrives on making people as miserable as she is decided to call and leave this message:
"i have something really embarrassing to report for you guys. i got this bookmark and the word "defenseless" is spelled wrong... um, i dunno how you could print something with a misspelling like that and you might want to check any of your other freebie handouts to save yourself further embarrassment..."
of course, as most cowards who leave messages to get the hair on your neck standing up, she did not leave a name or phone number. surprise!
last night we met up with our friend rob for some drinks, he was on his way from the airport and upon walking towards the meeting place, he said he encountered someone begging for change. apparently, after approaching rob and saying, "hey bro, can you..." with the common reply of, "sorry man," he then shouted after rob:
"whatever you white shoed snob!"
haha, snob. he's actually quite far from a snob.
anyway, i saw this white suit just now while dreaming about owning new clothes (heh), and i thought of that:
and also how you could be a complete dick in that white suit and nobody would be able to say anything. the power of the suit would repel their bad thoughts, they would all be mellowed and in awe of the soft brightness that is the white suit. it's true.
"whatever you white shoed snob!"
haha, snob. he's actually quite far from a snob.
anyway, i saw this white suit just now while dreaming about owning new clothes (heh), and i thought of that:
and also how you could be a complete dick in that white suit and nobody would be able to say anything. the power of the suit would repel their bad thoughts, they would all be mellowed and in awe of the soft brightness that is the white suit. it's true.
now poop on them oliver!
yes yes
i know, you're all waiting at your computers, staring into the shiny abyss that is your monitor hoping for a post from me... wondering where i've been, if i've gone to magical lands and slain dragons and had high tea with the goblin king. well, maybe. i'm still alive, though... more later...
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