sigh.
on my mind a lot as of late has been the issue of money... what to do, what to do? other people claim brokeitude but do they really know? not that i can be upset with others for managing their money better in than i have in the past, but still- be careful crying wolf. 15-20% of my monthly income alone goes to interest payments and loans. then there's rent (which will have to be reduced next year, i.e. moving), utilities, internet, phone, cell phone, TTC fare to get to the underpaid job.
sigh indeed. i'm so fucking broke.
i am currently just able to make rent and utilities plus student loans and credit card payments- then in the next few months or so, i get to start paying back principal on my other student loans... hooray! there goes any luxury income. what does that mean? up shit creek without a paddle unless i fine a second job for the evenings or weekends. or sell my kidneys.
been fighting the bug to feel down and hopeless as of late. it's hard to get your dreams going, to develop a business when you have practically zero expendable income. and needless to say, i don't want to borrow any more. sometimes i just feel like giving up and working a second job at canadian tire... fuck it, ya know? everyone and everything tries so hard to beat you down. oh you completed that sale flier for Canadian and USA customers in two days, and it was in the mail in a week's time? doesn't matter, doesn't matter that you worry about money every day, that you're not adequately paid for your services, the fact is- you missed a spot. oh, and another one. errors errors errors- do better next time. fuck.
and then there's travel and leisure- i work fucking 40 hours per week, am i supposed to stay home in my spare time and stare at the walls because i have no money? i barely go out as it is... it's not fucking fair... i work so hard for such basic pay and all because some asshole designed a system where a virtually useless piece of paper means the difference between $30k and $45-50k per year.
your job is replaceable, you're not bringing in money directly, saying it without saying it that a monkey can do it so accept what you get because you're lucky.
money money money, fuck money, i'm moving to the moon!
been selling some shit in my cupboards this week to help even things out. hopefully soon i can crawl out of the fucking trench and see some light, but who knows... something always manages to pop up to pull me back down (website renewals, prescriptions, passport renewals, etc.).
life's getting me down. i can never seem to get ahead. can't wait to get away for a couple days.
sigh indeed. i'm so fucking broke.
i am currently just able to make rent and utilities plus student loans and credit card payments- then in the next few months or so, i get to start paying back principal on my other student loans... hooray! there goes any luxury income. what does that mean? up shit creek without a paddle unless i fine a second job for the evenings or weekends. or sell my kidneys.
been fighting the bug to feel down and hopeless as of late. it's hard to get your dreams going, to develop a business when you have practically zero expendable income. and needless to say, i don't want to borrow any more. sometimes i just feel like giving up and working a second job at canadian tire... fuck it, ya know? everyone and everything tries so hard to beat you down. oh you completed that sale flier for Canadian and USA customers in two days, and it was in the mail in a week's time? doesn't matter, doesn't matter that you worry about money every day, that you're not adequately paid for your services, the fact is- you missed a spot. oh, and another one. errors errors errors- do better next time. fuck.
and then there's travel and leisure- i work fucking 40 hours per week, am i supposed to stay home in my spare time and stare at the walls because i have no money? i barely go out as it is... it's not fucking fair... i work so hard for such basic pay and all because some asshole designed a system where a virtually useless piece of paper means the difference between $30k and $45-50k per year.
your job is replaceable, you're not bringing in money directly, saying it without saying it that a monkey can do it so accept what you get because you're lucky.
money money money, fuck money, i'm moving to the moon!
been selling some shit in my cupboards this week to help even things out. hopefully soon i can crawl out of the fucking trench and see some light, but who knows... something always manages to pop up to pull me back down (website renewals, prescriptions, passport renewals, etc.).
life's getting me down. i can never seem to get ahead. can't wait to get away for a couple days.
Labels: escapism
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