SPEW

dear diary,

a lot of satisfying things seem to be happening in the back seats of cars, these days. or maybe all days, but these days for me, specifically. the false sense of security when you think the people who are sitting two feet away can't hear you or notice. the thrill with pretending they don't. or simply not giving a shit either way.

nonetheless, diary, it is all good.

your best friend,
diary writer

cool

SPEW

i feel emotionally bottled and it's fucking annoying as hell. it feels like everyone else gets to express what they want when they are in the mood, but as soon as i say how i am feeling it's tony fucking tight-lips. i hate it. i hate feeling this way and am feeling like i should drop everything, everyone, and just go hide somewhere, like last year when i had not a care in the world and felt no attachment to anyone. though, what the fuck, i am not attached, still, so really it's my own fault...

but that doesn't make it any more or less annoying.

i just feel like i need to scream something meaningful at the top of my lungs, for a change, instead of tuck it away in my purse and let it seep out in whispers.

wow.

alls i have to say right now is WOW. i just finally finished cryptonomicon (a book i've picked up and put down over the past several months) and i am in awe. the writing, oh my.

now, i think, tomorrow i simply have to find a copy of quicksilver & continue my neal stephenson wannabe obsession.

that is all for now- i will have more later/tomorrow after bar band, beer, food, and the weirdest situation that is entirely comforting (yet still weird). i can't wait.

camera phone post in which i always spell it "cmaera".

my parents new bldg elevator in ancaster. eep.

ricky

me n granny p

sales!

someone posted this pic with their post on craigslist and... well...

this morning i stopped at price chopper to grab some things for work, and i remembered they had michelina's on sale. $0.97 per meal! unbeatable, they did, indeed, chp the fuck outta that price... and i took advantage. i got three low-cal/fat mac & cheeses and two chicken stir fry. combined with the parmesan cheese i have at work, the mac & cheese is incredible, i want another one now, but i am fixated on the mere idea of being able to spend $0.97 on lunch per day. i wish they had more options, i'd have gotten more.

i am working on a new mini-catalogue at work, and get to redesign all of the pages used for our full 2007 catalogue- and this excites me. being creative again is brilliant- plus that hideous overuse of gradient in the old design is, well, hideous. ew. gradient overload. you know what else resembles a gradient? vomit.

so, anyway...

oops.

i forgot my parents canceled & moved their rogers account, so i just figured out that i lost everything i had stored there. oops. i forget what any of it was anyway, so i suppose it doesn't matter.

good bye 1st year religion vs. science essay, i will miss you (except i am an electronic pack rat and have a copy on my HD somewhere).

mr. intentional.

See the road to hell is paved with good intentions
Can't you tell the way they have to mention
How they've helped you out; you're such a hopeless victim
Please don't do me any favors, Mr. Intentional
All their talk is seasoned to perfection
The road they walk, commanding your affection
They need to be needed, deceived by motivation
An opportunity, to further situation
Why they so important, is without explanation
Please don't patronize me, Mr. Intentional
We give rise to ego by being insecure
The advice that we go desperately searching for
The subconscious effort to support our paramour
To engage in denial, to admit we're immature
Validating lies, Mr. Intentional
Open up yours eyes, Mr. Intentional
Stuck in a system that seeks to suck your blood
Held emotionally hostage by what everybody does
Counting all the money that you give them just because
Exploiting ignorance in the name of love
Stop before you drop because that's just the way it works
Please don't justify me, Mr. Intentional
Oh one dimensional, Mr. Intentional
Oh don't you do me any favors
Wake up you've been sleeping
Take up your bed and walk
Stop blaming other people
Oh it's nobody else's fault
Accept the truth about you
You know that life goes on without you
And your expensive misinventions
Disguising your intentions
Don't worship my hurt feelings, Mr. Intentional
See I know you can't help me, Mr. Intentional
The only help I need to live, is unprofessional
The only wealth I have to give, is not material
And if you need much more than that, I'm not available
Please don't entertain me, Mr. Intentional
Oh I don't need your sympathy, Mr. Intentional
Stay away from me, Mr. Intentional
So one dimensional, Mr. Promotional, Mr. Emotional, Mr. Intentional
Lauryn Hill

i like this song.

yep. last night consisted of good food, good humour (well, passable anyway), and too much beer for me. though it was probably the vodka. today was one of those frying pan hangovers- to the back of the head and out of nowhere. though it was nice to hang with raymi & phil, i had a horribly bad and crazy day and wanted to get the fuck outta the house. mission accomprished.

tonight is chill since i simply must go to the parents and clear out the rest of my stuff before they move on saturday. guess what i made for dinner? nood'r. i know. it's disgusting. but the tasty kind of disgusting, so i'm okay with it.

anyway, time for some cleaning- the place is diRRty.

wow.


everyone was talking about my shirt today, it says "useless" which is my friends in MNs band, but i suppose nobody else knows that. burger joint dude, close friend, etc. they all thought it was some ironic thing whereby i say i am something i am not... though, some days... heh.

more later after a nap. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

ah, finally home. made money on friday, saw def leppard on saturday, made "friends" with a new, um, friend. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?!

more later. p.s. no cameras at the DL show- LAME.

p.p.s. ISS LEPPERRRRRD


marriedtothesea.com

today is another wedding day- huzzah. i took the day off of my regular job to help with this one. it's great because i get to spend the day travelling around and such, and it's a 7 hour wedding this time.

hold on, getting more coffee...

ahh, back. this week i treated my self to some french roast from starbucks. i did so because it is right on our corner, i was out of coffee, and was walking by at 10PM. next time i think i'll get some illy. ANYWAY... it's really strong and perfect for waking my tired ass up in the mornings.

last night we had mom's 60th bday dinner at jerusalem restaurant- and the verdict is that it was good. they had a menu to order from, and i had the whole table convinced (except for dad, of course) to skip the sneezefest that is the saliva-ridden buffet and order fresh off the menu. then our server took forever and, under the pressures of bubbling stomach acids and those of my peers, we all crumbled one by one (like dominoes) and lined up at the buffet (also like dominoes). wasn't that bad, the house red wine was tasty... except they were a bit stingy on certain things. like, for dessert, where's the baklava? oh right, they probably sell it in their mini grocery, not on the buffet table. i think the worst buffet dessert item is watermelon- i mean, you're not paying $8 for this buffet, it's $16.95 per person, so at least hook a sistah up with some honeydew, son. what up?!

in other news: i now suffer from coffee breath.

in other other news: i may be assisting part time for THIS GUY. i'll know in the next few weeks. woohoo!

...

my desk is a thorough mess.

more than wordssssss.

even cooler

clarington, july 7 2007. working @ a wedding.

i sent this cell phone picture to Al yesterday, to which he responded:
"Alien tea-bag!"

last night on the way home from the cumberland, it was pouring rain. upon arriving at yonge street to walk in a southerly direction, the rain grew heavier. we stopped in a doorway to wait it out since our hoods could only hold so much. the same rain that was pissing from the eavestroughs forming urban waterfalls had begun pissing down our foreheads and we'd had enough. we beat one guy to a small doorway, and he grumbled and continued on as we stood in the same space which he might have occupied had he a longer stride. sucker.

it finally let up a bit, and we soakingly carried on down yonge street in search of pizza-like sustenance. i spent my last $5 on a slice of chicken bruschetta pizza which was heaven after having not eaten since noon (except for a cereal bar at about six). yum.

we made our way home with wet jeans clinging to our legs and damp hoodies starting to smell like damp hoodies and finally got home. tea was had, of course, to rectify the dampening situation, as well as a dry change of clothes. dry clothes is one of those things we take for granted.

i putsed around, read for a bit, then crashed out early as the streets outside dried and prepared for another day.

this morning i awoke with sniffles and a sore throat and dragged my feet to work. kind feels like there are weights under my eyes. tonight, i do nothing since tomorrow is a twelve+ hour day of weddingness. until then...

cool.

singapore noodle soup.

so last night it looked good and tasted good, but i am learning why you should always make them fresh- liquids! seeping!

i opened the container not 10 minutes ago to find that i now had singapore nood'r soup for lunch. it still tastes delicious and all, but it is swimming in a bath of its own (delicious) filth.

next time: not making it for lunch.

but all in all a good experience. oh, and i overcooked the rice noodles a bit so they're all in little pieces. soak in cold water before frying- not boiling. eep!

i am going to write about my homemade nood'r while eating them. a live review, one night only!

more at 1.

so am i to believe that if you work away half your life, you are an upstanding human being? why is work still the most valued of our actions?

it really annoys me sometimes, mostly because of the shit i put myself through in my own head, how choosing not to overwork is seen as being a failure.

fuck off already.

there is a current argument going on HERE that may fascinate you.

fascinate?

tonight i am going to make my own singapore noodles. if they turn out well, i will make them for others, too! good thing canadian tire has $9.99 woks. that works out splendidly.

the weather outside is frightful, in a hot'n'sweaty way. at no point do i particularly like a line of sweat down the back of my t-shirt, i think it's pretty un-ladylike... but then again so is my greasy hobo hair that i was too lazy to wash this morning. instead, i spent that extra half hour lying on the couch, staring at things, sipping coffee, walking back to my bedroom then staring some more. my life is awesome! there are office flies trying to land in my hair!

last week i had a bout with stomach upsetness. it was bad, gripingly and toiletly bad. i concluded that it was from this new restaurant i tried near work, but in the back of my mind i think it's the yogurt i carried in my bag to work. today, after a week of paranoia, i am eating that yogurt again with my granola. i don't plan on washing my feet for a year, now, and am getting dreads. righteous.

anyway, updates tomorrow as to whether or not the yogurt contains jagged metal krusty o's.

well fine, fuck you then.

you know those days when the most irrational thinking seems perfectly logical? today is one of them. i officially hate today already and there are still a good 12 hours left. awrighhht.

here's a little something that pisses the right shit out of me:

being taken for granted.

in my head, today... since i got up, it's been a continuous scream and stomp action with occasional overdubs of rationality (but very faint). i am crazy. i am an insane motherfucker and you do not want me as your friend because the moment i am down, i'll pick away at our friendship because i am frustrated or bored with myself.

it's the truth. you've been warned.

...but for the record: it's not always all my fault.

long distance.

it's rainy out and i was late this morning waiting for the bus that just would not arrive. then it arrived. now i am sitting here, post-night-of-bad-restaurant bathroom fun, wanting my bed and a bucket of fucking singapore noodles and/or poutine.

my body craves nutrients!

wuh wuh.

stomach... cramping. ball of nails. orgh, this is horrible.

more to come

pics from canada day

you're my best friend.

chirping in the alley
echoes in my head
washing out the night before
the whiskey in my bed

a seeming contradiction
but logic still prevails
nailing back the drywall
patching up the my brain

the my brainnnn

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