I figured I should record these thoughts as they come to me. Not only today, but on a regular basis I encounter people in this city who are rude and aggressive and just inconsiderate. A by product of city living, no? Sure, if you're lazy. I get annoyed with people regularly, but only when they rightfully deserve it.
At the grocery store today on the way home I encountered this lady, once again, cashing me out. I was buying stuff which included cornmeal so I pointed out a small hole in the bag so she wouldn't pick it up and spill it all over. Needless to say she didn't even make eye contact, shoved the fucking cornmeal into a bag, and grumbled the whole time. Wow, you must lead a great life. She proceeded to check my other things through, and look as if I was really doing something to warrant her being so pissed off. Not just to me, but she treated a coworker who walked by this way (when he told her to smile), and she treated the customer ahead of me this way. The message was that customers are pieces of shit who deserve no better treatment. Sheep in a turnstile, all idiots. No?
I'm not in the business of judging people's lives because I really don't know what kind of day/week/month she's had, but... should that matter? This is the second time I've had her and it was the same treatment. Making me feel as if I am walking into her living room to ask her about grocery stuff.
Like, seriously, lady? Fuck the fuck off (FTFO). I had a long day, too, leaving home at 7am and only getting home about 15 minutes ago... and a lot of travels and rude sons'o bitches in between all of my destinations. We've all had long days, we all have to deal with others' stupidity, but you have to stop it somewhere.
I had to consciously stop and say, "Okay, I'm not getting wrapped up in her negativity." It was an actual force that I could feel sticking to my coat and brain cells.
I think it's an issue in big cities that people just assume that because there are so many of us, we are entitled to treat each other like shit without warrant. WRONG. All that creates is this cycle of negativity around you and the people you encounter... and it comes back to bite you in the ass.
Is it really that hard to be a little less selfish and to say, okay, I've had a long day, but how would I feel if I encountered my fucking sour prune face upon simply purchasing some baking items? And if the person I pruned was being polite to me?
The only peace I've ever found in life has been in the way I conduct myself regardless of the way others choose.
I was at work a half hour late serving a selfish customer who called after closing with a thousand questions, so? Doesn't give me the right to go out and make someone else feel miserable.
So here's some words to you (and as a reminder to myself): try being a little less selfish. Yes, you are entitled to your feelings, yes you are allowed to not be happy and smiling all the time, but take a moment to think how you would feel on the receiving end of your own bullshit.
End rant.
At the grocery store today on the way home I encountered this lady, once again, cashing me out. I was buying stuff which included cornmeal so I pointed out a small hole in the bag so she wouldn't pick it up and spill it all over. Needless to say she didn't even make eye contact, shoved the fucking cornmeal into a bag, and grumbled the whole time. Wow, you must lead a great life. She proceeded to check my other things through, and look as if I was really doing something to warrant her being so pissed off. Not just to me, but she treated a coworker who walked by this way (when he told her to smile), and she treated the customer ahead of me this way. The message was that customers are pieces of shit who deserve no better treatment. Sheep in a turnstile, all idiots. No?
I'm not in the business of judging people's lives because I really don't know what kind of day/week/month she's had, but... should that matter? This is the second time I've had her and it was the same treatment. Making me feel as if I am walking into her living room to ask her about grocery stuff.
Like, seriously, lady? Fuck the fuck off (FTFO). I had a long day, too, leaving home at 7am and only getting home about 15 minutes ago... and a lot of travels and rude sons'o bitches in between all of my destinations. We've all had long days, we all have to deal with others' stupidity, but you have to stop it somewhere.
I had to consciously stop and say, "Okay, I'm not getting wrapped up in her negativity." It was an actual force that I could feel sticking to my coat and brain cells.
I think it's an issue in big cities that people just assume that because there are so many of us, we are entitled to treat each other like shit without warrant. WRONG. All that creates is this cycle of negativity around you and the people you encounter... and it comes back to bite you in the ass.
Is it really that hard to be a little less selfish and to say, okay, I've had a long day, but how would I feel if I encountered my fucking sour prune face upon simply purchasing some baking items? And if the person I pruned was being polite to me?
The only peace I've ever found in life has been in the way I conduct myself regardless of the way others choose.
I was at work a half hour late serving a selfish customer who called after closing with a thousand questions, so? Doesn't give me the right to go out and make someone else feel miserable.
So here's some words to you (and as a reminder to myself): try being a little less selfish. Yes, you are entitled to your feelings, yes you are allowed to not be happy and smiling all the time, but take a moment to think how you would feel on the receiving end of your own bullshit.
End rant.
fyi
you better not miss.
this dancing around
what we all wanted to say
more fun than saying
---
ours such as this
horror movie pizza time
seems almost timeless
what we all wanted to say
more fun than saying
---
ours such as this
horror movie pizza time
seems almost timeless
a friend posted this in response to my dream thing:
according to the reliable sources at Dream Visions. com... A house, apartment, flat, or any place of residence often represents you or your life, even if the dream residence does not resemble your actual residence. The events in the dream residence may represent events in your life. A house can also represent security, comfort, protection, familiarity, or belonging. Someone stealing money or something else from you can mean: * You're feeling that life—or something in it—feels very demanding right now, or that people are tending to want things from you—especially in manipulative ways * You're feeling disrespected, not validated, or undervalued somehow now you have all the answers, congratulations!
according to the reliable sources at Dream Visions. com... A house, apartment, flat, or any place of residence often represents you or your life, even if the dream residence does not resemble your actual residence. The events in the dream residence may represent events in your life. A house can also represent security, comfort, protection, familiarity, or belonging. Someone stealing money or something else from you can mean: * You're feeling that life—or something in it—feels very demanding right now, or that people are tending to want things from you—especially in manipulative ways * You're feeling disrespected, not validated, or undervalued somehow now you have all the answers, congratulations!
dreams.
i've been dreaming pretty vividly as of late. just over the weekend i was telling p. how i hated those dreams in which you had one main goal, one thing you had to do, but no matter how hard you try, or how many different avenues you take, every road takes you further away from what you need to accomplish. frustrating!
so, of course, last night's drama was along the same lines:
i awoke in a bedroom that wasn't mine, in a house i've never seen before to find that my room looked awfully bare. even though i wasn't anywhere familiar, it felt familiar- dream-familiar. i knew right away things were missing, and much to my chagrin, on my computer desk was an old 14" CRT monitor in place of the 22" WS flat screen i have now. gasp, i know! my keyboard was gone, receiver, speakers, everything of value...
i had been robbed. that popped into my head as i wandered into the hallway where i could hear voices. there i found a guy standing, and i ran back to my room to call 911. of course, the home phone was disabled by the intruder. so naturally i ran for my cell phone and for the life of me could not correctly dial 911. hang up, try again. then he got to me and took my cell away.
there were many other fucked up parts i won't bore you with, but which i do remember quite clearly. however, the one running gag was that i kept finding more and more people who were in on the robbery- yet i could never get through to the police.
i ran into friends, my mom, i even had one of the thieves' cell phones at some point and they all had "new" phones that do not exist.
i could not figure out how to work any of them to dial 911.
frustrating!
it is still amusing to me, though, that they'd steal all my shit, but bother to be nice enough to replace my LCD with another monitor. awwww.
so, of course, last night's drama was along the same lines:
i awoke in a bedroom that wasn't mine, in a house i've never seen before to find that my room looked awfully bare. even though i wasn't anywhere familiar, it felt familiar- dream-familiar. i knew right away things were missing, and much to my chagrin, on my computer desk was an old 14" CRT monitor in place of the 22" WS flat screen i have now. gasp, i know! my keyboard was gone, receiver, speakers, everything of value...
i had been robbed. that popped into my head as i wandered into the hallway where i could hear voices. there i found a guy standing, and i ran back to my room to call 911. of course, the home phone was disabled by the intruder. so naturally i ran for my cell phone and for the life of me could not correctly dial 911. hang up, try again. then he got to me and took my cell away.
there were many other fucked up parts i won't bore you with, but which i do remember quite clearly. however, the one running gag was that i kept finding more and more people who were in on the robbery- yet i could never get through to the police.
i ran into friends, my mom, i even had one of the thieves' cell phones at some point and they all had "new" phones that do not exist.
i could not figure out how to work any of them to dial 911.
frustrating!
it is still amusing to me, though, that they'd steal all my shit, but bother to be nice enough to replace my LCD with another monitor. awwww.
relativism is a bottomless pit.
you know that quote about being the change you wish to see in the world? i love it and have used it many times, but last night i was thinking... it implies superiority, doesn't it? it's like saying that you and your way of being is better than how others choose to be and they should all just think more like you. no?
and then i figured, well what's wrong with that? even though we'd like life to be a fairy tale, there simply are some things that are better than others- some philosophies that are clearly a better choice for everyone (if only they'd learn, snicker), and some ways of treating others that are downright appalling.
for example, it is pretty inconsistent to accept that we can categorize foods into "good" and "bad", yet when it comes to attitudes we're all relative and shit. what up? i mean, the only reason deep fried chicken is "bad" is because it will kill you at an earlier age, but that is assuming that you want to die old...
the words good and bad are relative words, they are transparent when standing alone. everything in our daily lives is categorized, yet we're supposed to force ourselves to think that all people are equal.
thus, i forget where i was going with this, but ya know...
purple monkey dishwasher.
and then i figured, well what's wrong with that? even though we'd like life to be a fairy tale, there simply are some things that are better than others- some philosophies that are clearly a better choice for everyone (if only they'd learn, snicker), and some ways of treating others that are downright appalling.
for example, it is pretty inconsistent to accept that we can categorize foods into "good" and "bad", yet when it comes to attitudes we're all relative and shit. what up? i mean, the only reason deep fried chicken is "bad" is because it will kill you at an earlier age, but that is assuming that you want to die old...
the words good and bad are relative words, they are transparent when standing alone. everything in our daily lives is categorized, yet we're supposed to force ourselves to think that all people are equal.
thus, i forget where i was going with this, but ya know...
purple monkey dishwasher.
tuesday is monday.
it's true. i work from home on mondays and wednesdays, so today is my monday- and it still sucks. snowy, cold, blowing... and that's just inside my head. right now, i feel as if i have nothing left to give. tomorrow will be different, it always is, but right now... i'm tired. i have no energy to put forth effort for anyone. not right now, no planning. no me calling you. no. and this isn't to anyone or about anything specific, it's just february and i've had it and soon it will be spring and i'll feel reborn, just like every year. in a way, it's a neat thing to experience rebirth ever year- mentally, physically, emotionally.
i'm just writing 'cause it's all in my head and if i don't let some out i start to feel anxious and can't sleep. want to eat pizza and deep fried pullus and gain 40lbs. wearing fat pants and a couch.
but here i am. work. money is a good motivating factor... gotta pay rent... right?
one and a half months until death valley.
i'm just writing 'cause it's all in my head and if i don't let some out i start to feel anxious and can't sleep. want to eat pizza and deep fried pullus and gain 40lbs. wearing fat pants and a couch.
but here i am. work. money is a good motivating factor... gotta pay rent... right?
one and a half months until death valley.
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