missing link.

some people have issues with blogs, wondering why you'd want to put some of your innermost thoughts online for the world to read. i can't really answer that question because i am only me, a single structure of particles and the unknown in a universe of the same. i have no fucking clue, but i do know that i don't know the whole world, never will, but i like to share my thoughts. in person, i guess i've grown accustomed to even my closest friends keeping things fairly superficial and not really wanting to discuss what's underneath- okay, fine, not everyone is me... but i love that. i like knowing what makes people tick, why they might be upset today, or what made them so manically happy yesterday. i want to know. most people don't, self-focused, self-centered, even, i dunno. things i am at times, too, i don't pretend to be better than anyone... i just think differently a lot of the time and have met many stone faces, distant glares, and subject changers. so it goes.

um, yah, but writing is so cathartic... especially for myself, someone with severe constipation of the mouth and torrential diarrhea of the brain, it's just about the only refuge save solitary confinement and a straight jacket.

there is only one person in my life right now with whom i feel safe enough, and whom i trust enough to share my innermost thoughts, and his name starts with the fourth letter of the alphabet. i am incredibly blessed to have met him and to have him in my life as a non-judgmental sounding board for my lunacy, obsessions, vulnerability, and delicacy.

i guess the missing link for us quiet people is finding an audience whose judgment doesn't matter to you- i can handle a stranger staring at me on the subway, but it's much harder when your best friend changes the subject or shrugs off something you feel so deeply about.