my sanity marbles nearly fell out of my head last night, well whatever's left of them, so i ventured out after three days of being pretty much housebound (having a cold, working from home, having no money, and magazine shite). i had to get out, go for a walk, anything... too bad i missed the warmness that was yesterday and found cold breezes blowing my hair all around from every direction. lovely, hair in the mouth, hair in the eyes. okay, fine, enjoy the walk... clear your mind. drain out the over-analytical bullshit that is your state of mind. so i walked down by the lakeshore and round and round and then found myself chillin' at dre's place. that was nice and relaxing especially the beer part and the part where i only ate an egg/pita sandwich, a couple slices of tofu, and an apple for the whole day... whoo! straight to the head, three tall-boys and a half-j later and i'm flyyyyyyyyying, baby.

until this morning when the alarm went off at 6:35, then 6:40, 6:45, then i finally got up. major dehydration headache coupled with cold pills and beer and pot and holy shit, what a stupid hangover from such little consumption.

the sun was extra bright this morning, still kind of is... the jury's out on the brain drain. i obsess over things quite a bit. working on it, though i'm not quite sure how...

thing is, i burst out crying in the middle of eating my tofu thingy yesterday, and though i'd like to say i don't know why, i know exactly why: vulnerability. does it every time.

ah well... what else can you do but keep busy and drink to hid the fact that you really don't like your life as it is?