settling, picky, or destined loner?

this whole dating thing never sat right with me. it still feels weird. and as soon as i get close to whatever it is, i look for things wrong and start picking away in my head. chip chip chip hack, mining for pieces of the present. when i don't have it, i feel like it's the answer and when it comes along i feel like i constantly need to shower.

so this time around, while trying to progress as a person and approach new situations with new people a little bit differently, i am unsure if it is old habits attempting to die hard, or if i really am just not blown away and settling and if that voice in the back of my head whispering little warnings is right, or scared...?

expectations can be bad, but i think mostly they are a good thing. they are the parameters for the standards of living or whatever that we set for ourselves... fences to keep out the swine... i think they become a problem when people are unwilling to readjust their expectations, seeing them as something set in stone. life isn't about rules and regulations. every billionth of a second* provides another moment in which you can recalculate and reevaluate. there is no formula to making sure everyone you let in will fit your needs in the long run, you just gotta run long and hope for the best and never ever reveal your bottom line.

love and dating is a business negotiation: how can both parties be contented at the end of each day? compromise. accepting some defeat for the greater good. being an emotional communist.

*there is not scientific proof that "the moment" has any particular time value. it has been argued that there is no such thing as "the moment" and that all life exists in the past or the future, though this has not yet been successfully proven in syllogistic form.