if i had a laptop i'd have been able to tell you play-by-play that the man with one arm was coming for dr. kimble on the subway car.
but alas, i did not so time passed and channels surfed and carl lee hayley was on trial for the murder of some hillbillies who raped and tortured his little girl. ten years old.
ever since i was a kid this sort of story would enrage me. not just racial shit, but just human-to-human violence. the first time my brother showed me Menace II Society i cried and couldn't sleep for a week it disturbed me so much. but i guess my history as a child, growing up with sheople with shit in their eyes, has led me to be extra sensitive to stories that involve persecution based on racial differences. they don't always wear white hats and kiefer sutherland grins, but they send the same message- you do not belong because of who you are. who you were born as. if you were a deaf mute it wouldn't matter, as long as you're browner than milk you're up.
it's strange thinking back. thinking how far i've come and how far i have yet to go- a journey that seems never ending and probably is.
sometimes i feel as if i have lost my place to be. most times i don't know where i belong and feel that it may be a fact of my life that i will never truly belong.
but then... a ray of light. some flash of sunrise from the east. a dash of hope.
some asshole years ago, who i no longer call a friend, once said that i should try to figure out why i was so obsessed with finding a relationship at the time. i wasn't. i have never been obsessed with finding a lifetime companion. i have only ever wanted to feel belonging. most of us seek this, it's nothing special... i'm not special. i'm you, you are me, we are we and life is an accident as is everything in nature.
it is truly amazing how far you can come and still remember your wounds as if they were inflicted two minutes ago. some things never die and i'm not sure i'd want them to- they have become a vital part of who i am. a good part.
and with all that being said, it is absolutely delightful to have found someone who completely understands where i come from. it is something you can't explain with words, and one look says we both know.
there are few people in my life who get me, who know. for them i am extremely grateful.
but alas, i did not so time passed and channels surfed and carl lee hayley was on trial for the murder of some hillbillies who raped and tortured his little girl. ten years old.
ever since i was a kid this sort of story would enrage me. not just racial shit, but just human-to-human violence. the first time my brother showed me Menace II Society i cried and couldn't sleep for a week it disturbed me so much. but i guess my history as a child, growing up with sheople with shit in their eyes, has led me to be extra sensitive to stories that involve persecution based on racial differences. they don't always wear white hats and kiefer sutherland grins, but they send the same message- you do not belong because of who you are. who you were born as. if you were a deaf mute it wouldn't matter, as long as you're browner than milk you're up.
it's strange thinking back. thinking how far i've come and how far i have yet to go- a journey that seems never ending and probably is.
sometimes i feel as if i have lost my place to be. most times i don't know where i belong and feel that it may be a fact of my life that i will never truly belong.
but then... a ray of light. some flash of sunrise from the east. a dash of hope.
some asshole years ago, who i no longer call a friend, once said that i should try to figure out why i was so obsessed with finding a relationship at the time. i wasn't. i have never been obsessed with finding a lifetime companion. i have only ever wanted to feel belonging. most of us seek this, it's nothing special... i'm not special. i'm you, you are me, we are we and life is an accident as is everything in nature.
it is truly amazing how far you can come and still remember your wounds as if they were inflicted two minutes ago. some things never die and i'm not sure i'd want them to- they have become a vital part of who i am. a good part.
and with all that being said, it is absolutely delightful to have found someone who completely understands where i come from. it is something you can't explain with words, and one look says we both know.
there are few people in my life who get me, who know. for them i am extremely grateful.
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