protecting yourself vs. hardening.

can you walk that fine line? you as in anyone?

i find myself thinking about it lately, quite a bit. i am a softy. i am an emotional person who tears up at sentimental scenes in fresh prince, for fuck's sake. but then there's the side of me that wants to protect what i know to be vulnerable and beautiful. quiddity must be preserved. i find it a hard line to walk some days because the easy way would be to become a hard ass who gives what she gets, but i don't want that for myself.

i always assumed growing older would mean growing harder, but it seems growing older has brought me more wisdom... to navigate through the bullshit while maintaining my soft, sensitive nature and actually learning to cherish it. i have come to accept that i can never be vindictive or purposely cruel or even very cruel in reaction to people who have hurt me. it's just not in my nature and even if i was wronged, i don't feel that continuing the cycle of Assholeism™ helps anyone.

i'm no martyr, i would never claim that. i just feel as if i would be failing myself if i were to act towards others the way they act towards me.

i guess what i'm saying in a long-winded way is that i no longer see my sensitivity and loving nature as a weakness. I did for a very long time... most of my life, actually- i used to think being thoughtful and generous only ever got you walked on and that i'd need to stop being that person to keep myself safe. however, now that i have the courage to be me and to shoot down the negative shit, i have come to see that the love i carry within me is indeed my greatest strength.