blappy blew blear!

new years are happening all around you, every day, my friends. yet there is that ingrained sense of renewal that comes 'round this time of the year. this day in particular. i am in a much better place this year than last, mostly in the upstairs department... but that's been caused by outside forces impacting seemingly immovable objects. newton's laws can't touch the ethereality of thought.

it's always a toss up between what i have done versus what's happened to me. you simply can't control it all, that much i know, but do you control most of it? any of it? how do you know in the end what placed you on square 98 instead of on 99 and back down the chute to square one?

it's a toss up because nothing is ever that simple. every day is such a severe mixture of choices and circumstance that detangling them would take... well, by my calculations, at least a bazillion years.

as i sit here at my desk thinking about all that has happened to me this year, i keep getting distracted by the scattering of things on my desk- some frames, chocolate, pictures, a coffee mug (half full), a borrowed DVD. gifts from friends and from family are my muse this morning... afternoon... whatever... reminding me to be thankful. it's as if each item is exuding this flow of energy and reminding me of good times, of love, of just being in a city where sometimes even that can be difficult. it's not the items i own that make me happy, it's the stream of memories that accompany them all. these are the symbols of my existence.

you just have to keep on keepin' on, taking what little pleasures you can find. brush off the cynicism and enjoy a celebration, regardless of what you should think. forget the "no" and the "can't", even the "won't"- just say, yes, thank you for the time to remember "the why" in life. why we hang on and continue to do it all.

so here's to another year survived, another year of progression, another year of completely new experiences, unexpected connections, and feats of strength.

can you possibly imagine what 2009 will bring?

don't try too hard, it'll ruin the surprise.