sick of your oblivion
you know, nike is onto something with this "just do it" slogan. they may be an evil corporation, but holy shit... the brilliance of such a simple phrase. today i feel the need to rant. my brain is really fighting me on this change i'm trying to make, but i will succeed (you hear me, brain?!) at finding peace and banishing anger from myself... oh yes, i will succeed.
maybe hormones, it is that time o the month, but i could not sleep for the life of me last night. up every half an hour wondering which state was real and which was dream, wondering if the voice i heard saying something was part of my subconscious or just someone in the alleyway, wondering why my brain just would not let me be. and it was my brain, i was trying my best to use what i've learned to bring myself out of it, but i suppose there were some demons to be exorcised with vivid dreams and waking up with tears in my eyes.
but today, i feel a bit more at peace. at least with who i am and want to be, once again. one night- there are nights.
for some reason my thoughts this morning are on living the life. i want to be famous! i want to be rich! i want to be this that the other oh shut the fuck up already... you want to be but you don't want to work at being... you kinda want life to just happen to you, but are then angry when what happens isn't what you'd hoped.
wake the fuck up, world. i feel like i have a message today, like i need to share my thoughts that perhaps someone will read them and say, hey, yeah, i feel the same way!
it truly amazes me how people misunderstand me- they think shy and quiet means i'll let anyone walk over me, or that i don't see a steaming turd for what it is. i see through almost all bullshit, i guarantee you that... and the bullshit of the hour on my mind is this world of getting fucked up and passing the blame.
don't get me wrong, i like getting high and buzzed, but it's all in good fun. it's not to kill certain feelings, it's not to hide from reality... it's leisure. but some of what i see, some people are just so caught up in living in circles that they can't see... getting fucked up all the time and acting like an ass isn't living the life, it's avoiding the life and disrespecting yourself. not to mention damaging your relationships with others when you start to act like an ass.
but that's easy, isn't it? blame the booze, blame the drugs, blame me, blame the establishment, blame your parents, blame and point always outward. truth is there is no peace but from within. at the end of the day it is only you who is able to control how you process the information you receive, what you accept, what you reject and what you will tolerate. only you.
so, dear world, take a look at the tip of that finger you use to blame the rest of us for your own choices and consequences, examine it closely, maybe you'll see your own ugly face of anger and resentment buried in the crevices of your fingerprint.
i know i did.
maybe hormones, it is that time o the month, but i could not sleep for the life of me last night. up every half an hour wondering which state was real and which was dream, wondering if the voice i heard saying something was part of my subconscious or just someone in the alleyway, wondering why my brain just would not let me be. and it was my brain, i was trying my best to use what i've learned to bring myself out of it, but i suppose there were some demons to be exorcised with vivid dreams and waking up with tears in my eyes.
but today, i feel a bit more at peace. at least with who i am and want to be, once again. one night- there are nights.
for some reason my thoughts this morning are on living the life. i want to be famous! i want to be rich! i want to be this that the other oh shut the fuck up already... you want to be but you don't want to work at being... you kinda want life to just happen to you, but are then angry when what happens isn't what you'd hoped.
wake the fuck up, world. i feel like i have a message today, like i need to share my thoughts that perhaps someone will read them and say, hey, yeah, i feel the same way!
it truly amazes me how people misunderstand me- they think shy and quiet means i'll let anyone walk over me, or that i don't see a steaming turd for what it is. i see through almost all bullshit, i guarantee you that... and the bullshit of the hour on my mind is this world of getting fucked up and passing the blame.
don't get me wrong, i like getting high and buzzed, but it's all in good fun. it's not to kill certain feelings, it's not to hide from reality... it's leisure. but some of what i see, some people are just so caught up in living in circles that they can't see... getting fucked up all the time and acting like an ass isn't living the life, it's avoiding the life and disrespecting yourself. not to mention damaging your relationships with others when you start to act like an ass.
but that's easy, isn't it? blame the booze, blame the drugs, blame me, blame the establishment, blame your parents, blame and point always outward. truth is there is no peace but from within. at the end of the day it is only you who is able to control how you process the information you receive, what you accept, what you reject and what you will tolerate. only you.
so, dear world, take a look at the tip of that finger you use to blame the rest of us for your own choices and consequences, examine it closely, maybe you'll see your own ugly face of anger and resentment buried in the crevices of your fingerprint.
i know i did.
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