late night ramblings

it makes me cry to see such things. atrocities that have become so run of the mill, ya know? like seeing new haven protesters shout at each other over race. go home, they say, why don't you, you fucking ignorant redneck. the only people who are home are the native people and the animals, and even some of those animals were brought here by your stinking, unbathed, diseased ancestors. my own ancestors, even. but to feel guilt would be futile, self-serving. it is not guilt that makes us move forward but courage and selflessness- to share our thoughts without malice, no matter what arguments they may incite, and to share how we feel about the way the world is... because it is a fucked up existence and somebody's gotta say something.

the way the world is... we're kind of in the dark on that one, nobody knows really... i don't know, the penguins in antarctica seem to be pretty content living out their lives as they will, unaware that others may or may not be altering their existence. i sometimes wonder about altering existence, how can we really say that one path is off what was intended... what the fuck was intended? was the extinction of the dinosaurs any less of a tragedy than Hiroshima? is there a difference when something is man-made and when something occurs naturally...? if man is part of nature, then what we do isn't any less natural, it just all simply occurs. but people like to confuse things when it comes to humans, it's easy to use ourselves as a scapegoat, relieves some of that guilt... admittance is the first step, yes, but you have to take other steps or what's the point?

i absorb these bursting human bubbles, almost as if i am closer to nature than anyone other kind of creature, as if, as a human being, i can now relate to nature's constant pain from the flux of death and rebirth... born out of turmoil. but is peace something that really exists, or like the idea of cold or evil, is it simply the antithesis of something else... a concept dependent on the presence of its opposite? the peace and harmony of this world we live in depends on the bloodied teeth of hyenas as much as it depends on the clear-glass calm of the lake at dusk... if we are naturally occuring then we are what was intended... and our entropic nature is included.

consciousness, sensitivity... the essence of being human. to differentiate between calm and storm is our curse and blessing, the ability to prefer one over the other and to alter our environments to suit. to prefer happiness over all else, to pick what we've created over what is set before us...

maybe the problem with happiness is that it requires an ignorance of the truth, or at least a willingness to put the pain and suffering of others on the backburner to your Good Time™.

life is a hand full of magic beans and an empty pocket, nothing more.

the only assurance we have is that things will occur, and in no particular order.