chicken fajita burrito with guac, please.
what can i say? it's three months later and... when did that happen? p. is on his way to a full recovery taking speech therapy once per week coupled with studying at home. things are good for him, he is lucky.
and me? well thanks for asking. at least to those who did ask and still do. i don't need to discuss my problems all the time, i'm not a 19 year old and know how to deal with things, but this was and still is huge. it may seem dulled by the passage of time but it is an ongoing struggle. i hesitate to use the word struggle since it has negative connotations and, while there are some seriously shitty things that have resulted from this stroke, there are a bunch of positive ones, too. i am so proud of him and proud of myself for being who i always thought i could be, but never knew for sure.
the first week it happened we spent a lot of time quietly thinking together at the hospital, just trying to process what the fuck just happened in our lives... and naturally, what was next. it was one of the hardest times in my life that i can remember. right up there with my mother's breast cancer and my father's spinal tumor. life is fucked, ladies and gents, but you know what? we knew it all along and were somehow ready for it... weren't we?
in that first week, with bloodshot eyes and feeling utterly helpless, i gathered my thoughts and said to him: i'm going to help you. and i have been. i did decide it, officially in my head, though really the idea of running never crossed my mind. i could never do that to someone, everyone deserves to have some help when they fall down. it's a lonely place on the ground...
after that, it became easier in some ways, more private writing, reflecting, more alone time, more realizations about who in your life is really there for you when the shit hits the fan. those who will drop their plans on a moment's notice to offer some comfort because, hey, we're all in this together. those who are willing to put themselves aside and ask: how are you doing today? willing to listen with empathy to your innermost fears and accomplishments. those are the people who stand out, who call from ireland, who invite you over, and who realize it isn't a short term thing and that, for the rest of your life, you will be a different person. for a long while it would be nice to have a patient attentive ear volunteered not commandeered. those who may not understand it, but try to. those are my dearest. clarity.
and you know, positives for me, too... and that's what i'm focusing on.
onward and upward, yes?
i get the feeling today would have been less reflect-y if i didn't forego the gym in favour of visiting with my cousin whom i have not seen in over ten years... and drink a whole bottle of Finlandia with him...
and me? well thanks for asking. at least to those who did ask and still do. i don't need to discuss my problems all the time, i'm not a 19 year old and know how to deal with things, but this was and still is huge. it may seem dulled by the passage of time but it is an ongoing struggle. i hesitate to use the word struggle since it has negative connotations and, while there are some seriously shitty things that have resulted from this stroke, there are a bunch of positive ones, too. i am so proud of him and proud of myself for being who i always thought i could be, but never knew for sure.
the first week it happened we spent a lot of time quietly thinking together at the hospital, just trying to process what the fuck just happened in our lives... and naturally, what was next. it was one of the hardest times in my life that i can remember. right up there with my mother's breast cancer and my father's spinal tumor. life is fucked, ladies and gents, but you know what? we knew it all along and were somehow ready for it... weren't we?
in that first week, with bloodshot eyes and feeling utterly helpless, i gathered my thoughts and said to him: i'm going to help you. and i have been. i did decide it, officially in my head, though really the idea of running never crossed my mind. i could never do that to someone, everyone deserves to have some help when they fall down. it's a lonely place on the ground...
after that, it became easier in some ways, more private writing, reflecting, more alone time, more realizations about who in your life is really there for you when the shit hits the fan. those who will drop their plans on a moment's notice to offer some comfort because, hey, we're all in this together. those who are willing to put themselves aside and ask: how are you doing today? willing to listen with empathy to your innermost fears and accomplishments. those are the people who stand out, who call from ireland, who invite you over, and who realize it isn't a short term thing and that, for the rest of your life, you will be a different person. for a long while it would be nice to have a patient attentive ear volunteered not commandeered. those who may not understand it, but try to. those are my dearest. clarity.
and you know, positives for me, too... and that's what i'm focusing on.
onward and upward, yes?
i get the feeling today would have been less reflect-y if i didn't forego the gym in favour of visiting with my cousin whom i have not seen in over ten years... and drink a whole bottle of Finlandia with him...
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