if you draw attention to yourself, then will people not look? what then is the intention if attention was not the reward for your actions? i often wonder... i do, i swear, i like totally wonder sometimes. about stuff.

people are such strange creatures. i had the thought the other day about the self and personality, etc. i wonder (there's that word again) why it is so seemingly odd to only be seen as oneself when one is 'constant'. is there some sort of validation in always being the same, does the rest of the world see your consistency as a rewarding effort... an act of valiancy? why can't i be fifty different people when that is exactly how i feel from day to day... i wonder...

'cause sometimes it's a day for a house party and i can be the life, with wit, vim, vigour... many adjectives. some days i simply sit in the corner feeling shy and silly for being That Awkward Girl™. some days i smoke too much pot in combination with booze and there you go- the stupids.

but that's beside my point: people in society seem to have some unspoken obligation to be consistent in their personality, even if that is not their personality. it's as if you are invalidated when you don't treat something the same way that you did before. why is that?

maybe 'cause we all have the stupids OF LIFE and have no idea what we're fucking doing except to say that we are doing something.

or maybe it's because we're all capitalist society dwelling motherfuckers.

or maybe it's because i don't actually have a third point and sometimes we all just say shit to hear ourselves speak.

but it still remains, above all else, that if you crave attention and work towards that goal it will be brought upon you. don't curse at it, don't kick that glue factory in the mouth, but relish in what you bring onto yourself. why? because i say so and i am always right.

just ask God.